Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
