marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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