fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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