I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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