i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
