it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
