I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
