im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
