Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Randomize
