Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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