that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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