D3 body, D1 cock
I cannot find my penis.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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