three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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