So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
