They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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