i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
