Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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