His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
