The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
