I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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