I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
