he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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