how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
