I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize