Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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