please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
