TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm always down for nudity.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
