do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
