So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
