Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
