I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
