So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
