Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
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