R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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