Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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