Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
