so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
