I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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