what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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