who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
