his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
