I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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