Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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