Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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