We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
