Your face is a jimmy john
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
