Cold hands, warm shart.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i believe in u and ur pee
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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