I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
