The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
