Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
