I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
