There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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