I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
