Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
