I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
