My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
