You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
