i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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