my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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