i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
