They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
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I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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