I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My pussy is not your playground.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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