I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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