I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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