You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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