her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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