Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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