one two three fourrrrnication!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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