So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
