): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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