you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
